Victoria Coren

This month we have another guest tip for you. This time Vicky Coren, popular and well known journalist and poker player shares her thoughts on female poker players.

It’s about time this site offered some poker tips for girls. All the usual stuff the Mob is always advising (you know, raise with Ace-King, get in the zone beforehand, learn to manage your chip stack) applies to us too, of course, but there are some special secrets for girls which Ross, Barny, Joe and Ram simply do not understand.

So this one is for the ladies. If you watch snooker, insist on driving without the help of a map, and blow your nose on your hand after jumping in a swimming pool (in other words, if you’re a man) then LOOK AWAY NOW.

Okay girls, is it just us? Good.

First of all, remember to wear a low-cut top. I have given this advice to Lucy Rokach on a number of occasions, yet she stubbornly persists in relying only on her card play. A mistake, when a simple plunging neckline and Wonderbra can tip the odds so strongly in our favour. It will cause even the shrewdest opponent to remove his sunglasses, thus making him easier to read. Also, male players will spend so long trying to think of clever puns along the lines of ‘I reckon you’ve got a big pair’, that they will forget to work out their pot odds, and bet wrongly. If you’re ever in Vegas, buy a T-shirt at Aladdin with the name printed on it. I have yet to meet the man who can resist asking, ‘What happens if I rub it?’, and while he’s laughing at his own joke you can steal the pot.

Two: Move your chair back slightly from the table. Male players will assume you are simply sitting behind someone, as a devoted girlfriend should. When they finally notice you betting, they will think your boyfriend has gone to the bar and is letting you play a few rounds for fun. Be sure to keep looking at your watch and saying, ‘What can have happened to Big Mike?’

Three: be sure to tell the whole table in advance how sexy you find it when a man is masterful. This will cause them all to over-bet their hands. When you find the aces, blush and apologize. Then say: ‘I nearly folded, just from the sheer machismo in your voice when you said "raise".’ Next hand, you’ll see him going all-in with an 8-3 offsuit.

Four: Don¹t bluff. They¹re so sure that we never would, it’s a shame to spoil it. And we never do bluff, do we ladies? If you, by some freak of chance, do try a move and get caught, make sure to say ‘How embarrassing, I mis-read my hand’ and immediately apply fresh lipstick.

Five: If you lose a big pot, burst into tears. In tournament play, this will make opponents too embarrassed to call you again. In a cash game, they might give you your money back.

Good luck!
love from Vicky xxx

Everyone knows the most powerful card in the deck is the Ace but which is the most dangerous? Join us next month to find out…