Have you ever watched Horse Racing, and seen those blinkers or hoods they put on some horses? It never used to make any sense to me, until I began to see the application in terms of playing poker. The concept is identical, to enable one to focus clearly on the winning post and ignore the distraction of the other horses and/or the crowd.You may feel I’ve lost the plot, but stick with it, and see if I can talk my way back to sanity.

One of the hardest things to do is to keep everything simple, and to continue with a winning system. As soon as I get comfortable in my game of choice, as soon as I feel I can beat it and am winning consistently, I feel it’s time to move up to a bigger game. Everone tells me how easy the bigger games in the room are, I can see how badly some of the players play, it must be time to move up! At this point the alarm bells go off. Moving to a bigger game is not a decision to be taken lightly. The easiest way to go broke when playing poker is to play too big

This is a natural aspiration for players to move up to a bigger game. However it may be just another distraction which will become a hinderance rather than a help. When I am ready financially, moving to a bigger game is an important step in terms of my progress. Moving before I am ready is just another way to guarantee failure. In a bigger game if I am underfinanced in terms of bankroll, I will struggle to survive.The idea, that because I am a better player than someone with a much bigger bankroll, therefore I will win, is false. So the distraction of bigger and better games should be viewed cautiously with the awareness of the dangers inherent in playing bigger.

You always hear about the big winners in poker (the big losers are more discrete), and with the growth of internet, there are now alot more of them.Teenagers from Scandinavia and the UK earning six or seven figures from the game. People winning the World Series after entering a $40 satellite. It makes me wonder how I can be so ineffective by comparison. But the fact is, these are just further distractions which I need to see from the correct perspective. There will always be someone winning more than me, there will always be people playing bigger, and there will always be people luckier (and unluckier). The point is that these people who represent one end of the spectrum of achievement or success should be viewed as demonstrating what can be achieved. The distraction comes in when I attempt to emulate them, or measure my own progress against them. Experience tells me to concentrate on how I am doing, and what works well for me, and to ignore everyone elses success’s and failure.The fact that they make me feel like I am moving backwards, doesn’t stop their example being inspiring in terms of the possibilities.

But one of the biggest distractions of all for me, is tournaments. Tournaments are a way for me to play bigger than normal. Tournaments have a touch of glory about them, and that makes them more attractive as an activity for emotional reasons.Tournaments are a way of competing with the Top players which satisfies my competetive nature.Thats the up side.The down side is they take along time to play live, are expensive to enter, and the fluctuation is huge. If you are playing for fun, they are ideal, if you play for a living, and you have to pay for them yourself, most of the time they will be just another distraction. Yes I can win much more in a tournamet than in my normal cash game, but how often?

Some people would just see opportunities, but all I seem to see are distractions. I would definitly benefit from wearing blinkers.If I can just keep my eye on the winning post I may get there eventually.

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / March 2005

If Nic Bloggs says something is for "good of poker" you can bet you bottom dollar it is actually for the good of Nic Bloggs.

When someone has a huge dwell up seemingly every hand is he: a. Trying to work out pot odds? b. Looking for a tell from his opponent? c. Working out how he is going to throw his hand to the dealer when he folds? d. Trying to remember if he let the cat out and turned the gas off before he left home?

The string bet rule should be consigned to the dustbin. In 20 years playing poker I have never seen anyone trying to gain an advantage by string betting. The only angle shots are from those who scream "string bet!" on some nervous newbie who hasn’t worked out exactly how to make his bet properly.

You can’t eat value.

The old style gambler will soon be a thing of the past. The days of a guy going horse racing or to the betting shop in the afternoon, followed by an evening at the dogs and the early hours at the casino will soon be history. The gamblers of today are much more likely to be found in front of a computer screen perusing the latest betfair markets and scouring internet poker sites for a game than grafting for a few quid.

Soft playing ruins the game and is essentially cheating. By all means swap 10% with your mates or slip them a oner if you win a tournament, but by not trying to eliminate them when you have the best hand you are cheating all the other players. Don’t do it.

Play your A game at all times. If you are not able to play at your best don’t play at all. You will lose.

The UK is the best place in the world to play poker. We really don’t appreciate exactly how lucky we are. Winnings aren’t taxed. Players aren’t badgered for tips when they score a result. The environment for play is usually excellent now many cardrooms are non smoking. On the whole, poker players in Britain are very civilised, friendly and amenable.

And the Vic is the best place in the UK to play poker. The staff are absolutely top quality, the tournaments are the most prestigeous around and the atmosphere is electric.

When asked who he thought would win the omaha tournament at the recent Midlands Medley a seasoned pro said "I don’t know, except if it’s a self dealt tournament, then player L would be odds on favourite!"

Taking on sponsored players and rich amateurs in big tournaments over a long period of time is finacially unadvisable. For sure, take the odd shot or try and qualify for a big tournament in a super satellite. But there are so many big events these days you can drain a fortune trying to beat players with bottomless pockets.

There is a pub near Walsall called the "Boatman’s Best". Unsuprisingly it is a welcoming hostelry. But suprisingly when I popped in for a quick snifter it didn’t try to steal my blinds once.

When a grizzled old veteran talks sneeringly in interviews prior to tv tournaments about "internet players" it is a pretty safe bet that the majority of players spoken about so disparagingly play a hell of alot better than the veteran does.

In his article about me in the lastest issue of Poker Europa Nic Szeremeta slags me off for slagging people off. Yet in the article below it, he sings the praises of the Poker Bastard for slagging people off. (For some reason "slag" seems to be a favourite word of Mr Szeremeta). Is it because Nic dislikes the people the PB slags off and is friendly with the people he accuses me of slagging off. Wouldn’t it be ironic if the PB wrote a post all about the fragrant Mr Szeremeta? I suppose that’s just too much to wish for….

It costs nothing to act with class and dignity at the poker table. Before you holler and whoop when outdrawing someone in a big pot, imagine how the victim of your luck feels. Jumping around like an orangutan on speed certainly won’t improve how he feels.

My new poker mantra is: "If you haven’t got it, they probably have".

In my new incarnation as media whore, I have succumbed to the lure of self promotion. It starts with a couple of printed articles, and will no doubt end badly, as I shamelessly allow myself to be convinced that I have something to say.

I got a call yesterday, and was asked if I wanted to film a couple of episodes in a series called Poker Godfathers. The idea is to go round and visit someone who plays tournaments on line for fun, and play a tournament with them. This way they are supposed to benefit from the "Godfathers" advice on how to play. On the plus side, it wasn’t my money we were playing with.On the down side, it may look like I’m the amateur in the scenario. Being a poker player is similar to being a member of the Magic Circle. The cloak of secrecy surrounding the profession forced me to make numerous errors in my play, and to reveal very little of any real use to my poker playing hosts.Thats my story, and I’m sticking to it.

The programme was fun to make, and gave me the opportunity to take a step back and examine my game more closely than usual.One of the difficuties of tournament play, is trying to improve ones game, when it is never clear in the short term what the correct strategic approach is. When playing in the cash game, good play is rewarded more often than not by immediate results. When playing in a tournament the situation is almost the reverse.Most of the times one plays a tournament, one expects to lose.This is true for all players from the very top downwards.The only way to change this is by playing tournaments with very small fields, like a one table sit and go.With sit and go’s, one can expect a regular success rate if played well, perhaps as high as a 50% strike rate.With multi table tournaments, especially with the huge fields of some online tournaments, getting in the money can be a very infrequent occurence.

To maximise ones chances of success I believe you need to think about the tournaments more creatively. Putting your money in with the best hand is essential when playing the cash game, unless you are bluffing someone out of a pot.It seems logical and obvious, and most people start off assuming this is also true in tournaments. However, there are other more improtant criteria one needs to be aware of when playing comps. Time and size of field are both significant factors which have very little comparative significance in the cash game.

The pressure of antes and rising blinds, means that your stack is always diminishing in value. So doing nothing is moving backwards (at an alarming pace online). The size of the field gives you an indication of your chance of getting a result, and should inform how you play.

The problem is, that winning strategy is counter intuitive.It doesnt become apparent just because you continue to play competitions.The good news is, that there are lots of different approaches that work. So you are not trying to find "The Answer", you can adapt your own style, and make it successful.

You need to take a long view, and keeping records of the tournaments you play will at least show you exactly how you are doing.But more importantly you need to examine your own strategy.Deconstruct what you are doing, and you may well find it is clear your plan is not working.Some players for example find that on the few occassions they get near the money, they have very few chips and have to rely on doubling up again and again to stay in play.This is not because they are unlucky, it is usually due to incorrect tactics. Others are always getting outdrawn by poor players, and failing to see the bigger picture.

You need to be clear on what you are trying to achieve, and you need a plan of action to make it happen. If you are just waiting for good hands, your successes will be few and far between.

At first it appears that the longer you last in a tournament, and the higher you place, the better you have done.But even this can be misleading.The idea is not to last longer, it is to win more.Better to come first once than tenth ten times.This often means going out early, which alot of players try hard to avoid. So when you spot maniacs throwing their chips away and making an early departure, don’t be too quick to judge them all together. Some indeed are maniacs throwing their money away, but some will be adopting an aggressive strategy which cannot be judged on results in the short term.

The worst mistake you can make is, assuming you know what you are doing,even when your results prove otherwise .If you’re not doing well in tournaments (making a significant profit), you need to change your approach, or switch to the cash game.Most people don’t perform well in both cash and tournaments because the style required is so different, so don’t assume because you can do one, that the other will be easy.

So take a step back from your own game and examine it.Do you often have a huge stack of chips?Are you often to be found on the leaderboard during a tournament?Do you usually go out losing a big pot in the process? If the answer to all these is no, it’s time to change your approach.If the answer is yes to all three, you can sit back and wait for the money to roll in.

Any damage caused to your bankroll as a result of my article is the price you pay for listening to other people.If you really want to succeed, you are going to have to discover your own winning strategy

Good luck, and stay out of my pots!

Ashley

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / February 2005

I’ve racked my brains, but I must confess I cannot remember a time when every poker players’ favourite thief of time first entered my life.

I certainly cannot recall what I used to used to do in the evenings. I probably did what most normal people do now. Down a couple of pints, buy a large doner with extra chili sauce and slob out in front of the telly watching a crap video.

But now there’s no contest. Providing I’m not on my travels it is about 1-8 I’m sitting in my extra comfy leather swivel chair pitting my wits against various other saddos from around the world.

I’ve been an addict pretty much from day 1 of the internet poker boom. In those days it was basically just a two way choice between Planet Poker and Paradise Poker. I downloaded both and the superior software caused me to go with Paradise.

In those days it was purely limit holdem with no tournaments or sit and gos. The biggest game was $10-20. I used to spend many hours when I should have been working playing Erik123 (before he was internet poker’s first zillionaire) heads up.

As time went by other sites joined the market. Bigger games started appearing. The choices of type of game on offer increased dramatically. Not just pot and no limit holdem were added to the portfolio but omaha, stud and various types of hi/lo.

I have always enjoyed tournaments more than cash games. And the superb software and excellent structures of Pokerstars (the tournament specialists at the time) lured me over.

So what are the particular pleasures of online poker that cause me to spend as much as 8 hours a day plying my trade?

Well, there is the obvious of course. Making a living without ever having to put on more than a pair of boxer shorts (I apologise unreservedly for putting the image of me in my boxers in your mind) let alone leave the front door.

But there are many others. Let me share a few secrets with you.

Winding up the obnoxious players is a favourite pastime of mine. Ashley Alterman told me he only used the player notes function for two reasons. If he knows the player IRL he writes their name down. If they behave badly at the table he notes down "arsehole". Then if he faces that opponent again sometime in the future he does his utmost to wind them up. It really is an excellent plan.

I find the obnoxious online players fall into three basic groups:

1. Whinging Scandanvians. The three ‘Stars players who immediately spring to mind here are Nibbling, Riverloser and Mongeron. They find any reason apart from their own bad play to excuse a loss. Either their opponent made a mistake and got lucky or they claim the software is skewed in favour of others. I would bet good money it was a whinging Scandi who dubbed the site "Riverstars". Annoyingly they often hang around after being knocked out of a comp berating other players and being generally irritating.

2. Macho Young Americans. These guys (and I would guess it’s almost always guys) think poker is a test of manhood. If you outdraw them in a pot or beat them in a heads up match they take it as an afront to their manhood. They immediately challenge you to a 5k heads up match despite the fact they only have $39.17 in their account.

3. The Generally Rude Dipstick (GRD). This species is found the world over. Aussies, Yanks, Brits, South Africans and Europeans all have their fair share of this breed. They abuse bad players. They swear and cuss. They call you every name under the sun. They want bad things to happen to you. A player once said to me "I hope you die of cancer" after I won a heads up match against him. The one unifying characteristic among all these GRDs is they wouldn’t say boo to goose in real life, let alone call you unpleasant names.

Winding up the obnoxious player is great fun. After they’ve been outdrawn, be sure to say nh or well played to his opponent. Give them plenty of reason to doubt the honesty of the software. Say, for example, "I’ve never seen a hand like that in a B&M cardroom" when they lose a hand in unusual circumstances. And then just imagine them sitting in their Philadelphia home, steam coming out of their ears and trying desperately not to throw their keyboard out of the window…

Briefly, a few other of the extreme pleasures of online play:

The chance to do something else while you play. While I write this I am currently in 31st position from 207 players in a $55 NLHE Event on ‘Stars. But, whatever your bag, there is of course something to interest you on the internet to read while you play. I’m told some people read about tropical fish, some play chess, some work out their NBA bets for the upcoming evening. It’s even rumoured that if you look hard enough there is some porn on the internet too.

You’ll have the opportunity to try out your dance celebrations when you outdraw a particularly obnoxious opponent. Believe me, it’s about the only exercise I get these days!

You get the chance to really mess with other players heads. The other day I played a tournament on Garry Bush’s account. Suddenly the tightest player in Europe was raising like a maniac. Players must have thought their notes were all wrong or Garry had been dealt the best run of cards of his life. Whatever, the trick worked and I came third in the tournament.

Finally, you get to vent your emotions like you never could in a cardroom. If you think Norbert from Wisconsin has played like a dummy, you can scream obscenties to your heart’s content at him. You just might get some strange looks from the cat while you’re doing it…

In short, online poker really is the nuts. And you’d be nuts not to have a go at it.

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / January 2005

I was at the Bellagio in Las Vegas last month for the Five Diamond World Poker Classic.

I did my gonads.

I blew a huge stack in one of the tournaments and missed the money by miles.

But was I put on tilt, miserable and depressed? Not a bit of it. Because the Bellagio knows how to treat the players who attend their tournaments. I was staying in 5 star luxury for about £60 a night, comps to excellent restaurants were there for the asking. The tournament staff can get you priority bookings for shows. The cardroom is comfortable and plush. The dealers are efficient and friendly. In short, the Bellagio’s tournaments are poker heaven.

On returning home, I got to thinking. How come British casinos can’t provide such incredible value for money when running their tournaments?

I will give you a few examples:

The Rendezvous Casino in Brighton is an excellent facility. The restaurant is one of the best I’ve encountered in the a UK casino. But, when they run poker festivals they do not provide dealers for any tournament other than the big event.

The Grosvenor Casino, Luton used to be my favourite haunt. I like Carmel and the staff very much. During their biggest festival in August the casino becomes so hot as to be nearly unbearable. The playing conditions are totally intolerable. They did try to use mobile air conditioning units but they didn’t help much, if at all.

At various casinos up and down the country only one day is allocated to complete huge tournaments, to save on dealers wages no doubt. So who wins the massive amounts of cash on offer is decided sometimes on the basis of a crap shoot, not on traditional poker skills.

At Wasall they try to shoehorn as many players into the cardroom as possible. You couldn’t swing a dead cat in there at the start of a big comp (or, for that matter, a live one). And although they do give the players a free buffet, the grub could only, grudgingly, be described as moderate.

Spectators of big tournaments are treated just as badly, if not worse. Shoved into corners, out of the way, sometimes refused waitress services and generally thought of a as a pain in the neck.

Recently I was playing a small comp at Luton. The regular cardroom supervisor was off sick and a dealer I’ve known and joked around with for years was in charge. It was only when a waitress brought me a snack, and he volunteered to sign for it, did I realise this was the first time I’ve ever been comped in an English casino!

But perhaps the most annoying consideration in British casinos is the lack of a standardisation of the rules. If a player leaves the table during a competition he posts his blinds and antes. But, in various places in the UK he gets anted away every hand after a set amount of time. At Southampton (I believe) he has 3 hands grace, at Walsall it’s 9 hands and at the Vic it’s "a reasonable amount of time". In some casinos "moody" goes, in others you can’t bet in the round when you "moodied", in still others you can’t bet for duration of the hand and in yet others your hand is dead! The Tournament Directors (TDA) rule that if you are not in your seat when the last card is dealt your hand is dead is a great innovation and now virtually standard in the USA, yet, as far as I know, only the Vic and Walsall use it in the UK.

Would Americans put up with the poor treatment we receive in many casinos? Not on you nelly! There the customer is king, and the casinos will do anything to make you feel wanted and special.

Here it sometimes feels like the poker player is a nuisance. To be tolerated but not encouraged.

Poker players provide alot of income to the casinos. Not only in tournament registration fees and session charges. Many of us, me included (sadly), are sick gamblers who play the tables regularly. I think we deserve a better deal somehow. But, I doubt we are going to get it under current conditions.

The only solution must be for there to be much more competition. Private card clubs are a good start. But if the proposed deregulation of gambling/casinos means there will be greater supply of places to play poker, maybe we will be treated in a way Americans would consider "the norm" as poker players would be sought after by the casinos. Until then it will be left to cardroom supervisors/managers like Jeff at the Vic, Carmel at Luton and Yogi Bear at Blackpool to do the best they can on limited resources while the bean counters in head office work out ingenious way to save a tenner or two.

Happy New Year everyone!

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / December 2004

Yuletide is the time of year to be presenting gongs and plaudits for the year past. I propose to be no different, making my awards for various catergories, some sincere, some highly irreverent. It’s up to you to decide which is which…

Class of the Year: The most prestigious award must go to James Vogl for his self-effacing attitude in winning his bracelet at the 2004 WSOP. While other champions made themselves look like braggarts at best and performing seals at worst in their ESPN interviews, James kept an admirable amount of sang froid when being interviewed. Here is a selection of his words of wisdom:

"I’m really not that good"
After being knocked out he said to David Chui, "You’re the best player at the table".
"Sometimes the luck goes with you and sometimes it doesn’t"
"To be honest with you, I find poker quite boring"
"It’s really not that skilful"
"I don’t think I’m good enough to be a world champion, it just happened real quickly"
"With those cards, I think my mother could have won this tournament in about an hour and a half"
"I don’t think my Dad will be too impressed because he wants me to go and get a job"
" And my personal favourite, right at the end of the show, when asked to lift some of his prize money in the air James replied: "I don’t really want to hold it up, it’s a bit vulgar. I’m British, you know?"

Absolutely different class.

Arse of the Year: Lots of options here, but as it’s my game I’ve got to pick Jim "Septic Tiger" Britton for his pathetic attempts to give me the rub down after knocking me out of the Grosvenor UK Open at Luton in August. Septic, my old china, if you are going to be in this game for long (and judging on how badly you play you won’t be), you will have to understand what goes around, comes around. You will get yours mate.

Performance of the Year: I nearly gave this gong to the entire European performance at the WSOP. A tremendous showing from Ram Vaswani, Marcel Luske, Gary Jones, Harry Demetriou, James Vogl, Garry Bush, Richard Gardner -Brown and many others who played brilliantly and behaved impeccibly. But, in the end I have to tip my hat to Martin de Knijff for his win at the WPT Championship event at the Bellagio in April. A masterful performance from start to finish in what many think is the real world championship. A nice guy and a great player. Congratulations.

Funniest Line of the Year: Padraig Parkinson came up me at Barcelona: "Have you seen John Duthie?", "No, why?" "Because last night, I asked Veronique where the toilet was and she said turn right at John Duthie. And now I can’t find him…"

Worst TV poker show of the Year: I thought there would be no challengers to the dreadful coverage of the World Poker Championships from Dublin. But, then I saw the Celebpoker.com Challenge from Brighton. I feverently hope the standard can go no lower than that complete dross…

Hendon Mob Forum Post of the Year: Read the whole thread "Dave Squelch does his fans proud again!" and you will understand why the clear winner is "Wally". Although "good money" in the "PokerStars Job Opportunity" thread really made me chuckle a couple of months ago.

Best Looking Waitresses of the Year: Luton. For the 76th year running.

The bookies’ Christmas present to punters: Wigan are 5/2 to win the Championship with Stan James. They are clearly the best team in this section despite a dodgy run of late. They have a series of easy matches to look forward to and I am confident by New Years Day they will be comfortable leaders and 5/2 will look like amazing value. Get on now.

Ripoff of the Year: I think this award has to go to GetMinted for their satellites for a tournament at the Vic. They guaranteed 3 seats for the target tournament and that’s all they paid despite having far more money in the prize pool than the £2325 needed for the 3 seats. They simply kept the rest of the money. This must have been the highest raked satellite in the history of poker!

Value of the Year: The "Betfair Championship" garnered alot of criticism at the time. The structure wasn’t great. But, Betfair guaranteed £100,000 regardless of the turnout. As it was, a little over 600 players (many of dubious skill levels) showed up, so Betfair added about £30,000. Tremendous value.

Spammer of the Year: Does Keith Sloane ever post on any poker forum without plugging his latest business venture? I just wish the Mob forum had a "killfile" option so I would not be subjected to the tedium any more.

Newcomer of the Year: I may be biased, but the arrival of Card Player to Europe seems like a great step forward. Poker Europa is ok, but hopefully the arrival of the biggest name in poker publications can only push the game to a new prominence. Now, if only the distribution problems could be solved…

Worst Nickname of the Year: This has to go to George "The Iceman" Geary. Whichever publicity assistant for some tv company invented this nicknames deserves to be fired. Immediately. (Although Harry "The Wise Owl" Demetriou gets an honourable mention in this category. You can’t choose your own moniker Harry. It doesn’t work like that!)

Mystery of the Year: Who is the self-styled "PokerBastard"? If you haven’t read www.pokerbastard.blogspot.com do so. It’s very entertaining. And before you ask, no, it’s not me.

Scandal of the Year: The blatant collusion between players in the final event of the "European Nations Poker Challenge" clearly brought poker into disrepute. The fact that this event will be shown on television in the near future sends shivers down my spine. The tournament organisers must take a portion of the blame for structuring the event to make collusion so appealing. But, the players involved should be ashamed of themselves.

That’s all. It just remains for me to wish all Hendon Mob readers a very Happy Christmas.

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / November 2004

It’s not that I have anything against a budding poker entrepreneur making a few quid. (Or a lot more than a few quid in some instances). It’s just the way some of the guys who run private games operate which leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

About five years ago, when I was nominally a professional poker player, but only at a pretty low level, I was playing a £20 tournament at Luton and I was bang on tilt. I had already had about 7 rebuys when I went all-in with J2 suited against 4 opponents. When the cards were on their backs the others showed various grade onehands; AA, AK suited etc etc. Before the flop was dealt Murray Brown moved to empty seat on our table. He looked at the various hands and the players who put all their chips in and while I was digging into my pocket for another score proffered his hand to me: "Hello, I’m Murray Brown, do you know I run a private game?"

Now, before I continue (and before some smartarse points it out), I have a confession to make. About five years ago I had a small share of a private game which ran in my house. We set it up to try and pay the exorbitant rent Mr O’Rourke charged us for the privilege of living there. I was not proud of my involvement then, and I’m ashamed to admit it now. What I will say in my defence is: Firstly we "only" charged 3% rake on each pot (the norm seems to be 5%). Secondly, we only invited congenial players. I think anyone who played in the Cricklewood game (North London) would say it was a fun experience and they had a good time while playing. Finally, we gave only very limited credit facilities, which meant players couldn’t lose more than they could stand.

Even under these conditions, the host (ie us) was the big winner in the game. The first game we ran lasted nearly 24 hours. The box was full to overflowing. I was absolutely amazed.

A close friend of mine recently gave up playing private games. He did so for two reasons. One night, after playing a number of hours, he was playing in game and was behind about £1,500. He got lucky in a big pot and afterwards counted his stack; he found he was exactly £10 up! He then looked around the table. Every single player was losing! Admittedly a guy had left earlier winning about a monkey, but of the seven players remaining he was the only player who was winning! He cashed out immediately.

Then a couple of weeks later, he was sound asleep in bed when his mobile rang at 5am. "Hi Xxx, it’s Yyy here. Zzz is playing in my game right now and he’s doing £7 grand. He’s still got £3,000 in front of him and is totally on tilt. Get over here right now before he loses the rest!". My friend jumped out of bed and had one leg in his trousers when a thought struck him. "Do I really want to drive 40 miles across country just to take Zzz’s last money? What sort of person would that make me? Is Yyy telling me this for my benefit, or because he wants the game to keep going so he makes even more money?". With that thought, he put his pj’s back on and retired to bed. And he hasn’t played a private game since.

And that’s one of the reasons I don’t want to play private games. They organisers are interested in mugs who will attract other players. I had never met Brown before, but he clearly had me down as an ice cream (he’s not a bad judge) and if he could get me to come to his game, he could tell all and sundry that a new mug would be in the game and they should hurry along while this maniac still had money, to try to relieve him of it.

The organisers sometimes go to great lengths to get the mugs to their game. They wine and dine them. They butter them up. They give them tips about how to improve their poker. Anything to get them into their game.

Years ago a guy turned up at the casino to play in a small tournament. He was a terrible player. His wife had just died and he was looking for some entertainment to take his mind away from his misery. The local private game entrepreneur took him under his wing . A couple of years later, by conservative estimates, the terrible player had lost a six figure fortune. When the player had lost virtually everything, the entreprenuer dropped him like a hot potato. And all the guy was looking for when he entered the cardroom was a bit of company and friendship.

Perhaps the biggest difference between playing poker in private games and in casinos is the proliferation of credit in home games. It’s simple really, a player goes to a casino, if he does his dough he goes home. At a private game, after he loses his money he can ask the host for a loan. The host will usually oblige because he wants the game to keep going as long as possible. This obviously leads to problems. Sick gamblers can lose fortunes. You could argue that it is their fault for having no self control. However, gambling addiction is almost certainly an illness and if the option of credit is not available the sickos can’t get into so much financial trouble.

I heard of a case recently, up here in the north, where one of these gamblers got into a huge debt in a private game. He was slow returning the money. So, the game host did the old fashioned thing to urge him to pay back. He got someone to give him a slap.

The other difference, of course, is how you pay for the experience of playing. In cash games at casinos you pay an hourly fee to the casino to play. In many private games each pot is raked by the house for a percentage of the pot. Let’s say there is a pot of £200. The house might take 5% (£10). I would guess 5% (with a cap of £25 per pot) is the norm, but I have heard of games with a rake of up to 10%! Also, the player who wins a pot is obliged to tip the dealer a small amount. It all adds up to a much more expensive deal for the player.

In addition to this you have the very real worry of being cheated in some of these games. The dealers in these games rely on being tipped to make a wage out of the game. A guy I knew dealt in a game once (this game stopped running years ago and the dealers involved are no longer on the scene) and after dealing shifts for over 12 hours had made about £400 in tokes. He was quite pleased until he found out the other two dealers had made 3 times that! He couldn’t be sure, but the conclusion he came to was that the other dealers were stealing from pots.

Now, I don’t want to tar all private games with the same brush. There are some totally harmless games which are run more as social events than cash cows for the people who run them. Indeed, some games are probably run at a loss because there is no rake/charge for the players and food and drink is provided free. Also, the poker clubs which have recently been set up charge a time fee rather than rake pots, so the fee to play is probably about the same as playing in a casino.

And even the highly raked games probably have a place in the poker society. They are less formal and stuffy than playing in casinos and certainly less intimidating for newcomers to the poker scene. They allow you to play outside casino hours. And, of course, getting credit isn’t always a bad thing. If you are in control of yourself it gives you the chance to win back your money without a long trip home.

But, all things considered, you probably won’t catch me at a private game. If you outplay me, you are welcome to my money. If you get lucky against me, take the cash.
I am not prepared, however, to pay someone up to 3 times the rate I would pay to play a cash game in a casino for the privelige of doing my dough.

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / October 2004

We have reached the era of the mega buyin poker tournament. When I first started playing a £1000 event was a rarity, now they are commonplace. Casinos are competing with each other to put on bigger and more exclusive tournaments all the time.

Recently the Victoria held a £3000 buyin no limit poker tournament. I am not running great, and I wanted to play so I sold some of my action. I would guess I wasn’t alone. I estimate at least 25% of players were either backed or put in this tournament. Almost all the other players would have swapped a small percentage of their action with friends, so they could have an interest even after they had been knocked out.

I would be surprised if less than 90% of the players had a vested interest in at least one other player.

At the Vic something happened which had never occurred to me in any other major event I’ve ever played. As I have sold part of my action several times recently it was just a matter of time, I suppose, until one of my backers had a huge conflict of interest.

I made the last four tables at the Vic. I was in pretty good shape until my QQ ran into Chris Singh’s KK. With blinds of 1000-2000 and a running ante of 100 I had about 10,000 remaining. At this moment I got moved as the big blind to another table. I was seated to the immediate right of a player who had bought 15% of me prior to the tournament starting. Now 15% may not sound like a huge amount. But, when you consider first prize was £200,000, you can see he had quite an ethical dilemma.

He had a very healthy stack at this stage, about 100,000 and was one of the chip leaders. Although obviously winning the first prize was his aim, I could be perceived as a nice little insurance policy if he busted out. When I put my big blind of 2,000 in, he was the small blind. Everyone passed to him. He hestitated for a second and then set me allin. Now, the temptation for him to let me win the blinds must have been massive. I don’t want an advantage, if I am to win, I want to win properly.

But, of course the real issue is this: if my backer had given me a walk in the big blind when the position dictated a raise he would have been cheating the whole field. Every player had a vested interest in me getting knocked out as the short stack.

Now, soft playing is far from a new phenomenon. In every £10 tournament throughout the country friends check down pots when they are heads up. Husbands and wives refuse to bet into each other.

These are pretty innocuous examples I would agree, but there is a much darker side to soft playing. Daniel Negreanu accused Men "the Master" Nguyen of cheating in major tournaments by getting the multitude of players he backs to soft play him. It’s all in the archives of recpoker.com if you care to search. Also, I was once at a final table with a top European player when this fiasco occured: he is chip leader with about 100,000. His close friend has only 20,000. Blinds are 500-1000 and the top player has the sb when his mate has the bb. All pass to the sb who makes it 4,000 to play. His friend calls. On the flop he bets 15,000. Again the friend calls, leaving himself 1,000. On the turn the top player checks and his friend bets his last grand and the top player passes! In those days I was a meek and mild beginner who wouldn’t say boo to a goose. If that happened today I would scream blue murder.

Since I have moved up North I have only been to Newcastle casino once to play poker in almost a year. The soft playing and collusion were so bad and widespread I probably won’t be going back.

Soft playing ruins the game of poker. It is cheating and should be stamped out. The whole essence of the game is self interest. Playing as a "team" is against the ethos of poker. If you are at the casino with your mates by all means swap 5% with them but try your damnedest to knock them out.

So, what is the solution to the problem? Well, I have two ideas. Firstly, if a player is proved to be soft playing he should be thrown out of the tournament, perhaps after one warning.

Secondly, I feel every player should be forced to declare with whom he/she has a financial interest in each tournament before it begins, this would make it crystal clear to the other players which opponent needs to be watched when they are on the table with their friends/sponsors.

I know this would be very difficult to police, but the threat of disqualification if caught should be enough to make everyone fess up.

Poker is a big business these days. Millions of pounds change hands. It is important that the participants of the game are beyond reproach if we are to encourage sponsorship and new players to enter poker.

Four Queens Poker Classic, Las Vegas
$500 Omaha Hi/Lo
Report by Andy Ward on Sunday, 12 September 2004 at 7:48 am

Hello from beautiful downtown Las Vegas. I like it downtown ; there’s more emphasis on gambling, less on exploding fountains and tigers sawing each other in half (of course in my case I mean gambling in the tightest sense of the word). Four poker rooms right next to each other ensures plenty of action to choose from. I’m looking forward to the WSOP next year but in a way it is a shame it’s not going to be downtown. As of the now though, this is the Four Queens tournament. Small buyins and smaller fields are a little easier to manage. The Hellmuths and the Hansens have bigger fish to fry, but they’re here in spirit. "Hey, that’s a Hansen move" the eggs say to each other when one of them knocks some poor sod off with J7. You’ll be alright.

So what am I doing here, playing in tournaments that are no bigger than the ones half an hour from my door ? Well for a start this is Las Vegas, not Luton. Duh ! One of the other reasons is that, loath as I am to disagree with the Camel, I find the people much friendlier in the smaller games. Last night I was in a single table satellite with Simon Trumper and seven drunken fratboys. Great fun. Only one of them was going all in blind and finding Aces mind you (take a guess). Another reason is that, unlike back home, pretty much anything goes when it comes to table talk.

This gives the weaker players a chance to express their frustrated desires to be film stars. Some of the acting on display here makes Home and Away look like The Godfather. Single table satellites are RADA remedial classes in their own right. Here are a few virtuoso performances I have seen in just two days :

Big sigh when the river card comes, followed by reluctant bet = Nut flush

"I think I can outdraw ya" on the turn = weak pair that doesn’t want to face a bet on the end

Pretend to be about to fold when another player is considering a call = 2nd nut straight

All in preflop with "You know I’m making a move" = Ace King.

And so on and so on. When you let the people speak, you let them tell you what they have. I admit I fell for one of the above, but I blame it on jet lag, and anyway Fool Me Once Shame on You, Fool Me Twice Shame on Me. Once someone shows you he’s doing this all you have to do is give him a bit of a stare and he’ll tell you what you need to know.

I’m not here to demand change at the Vic – I never go there anyway. But When in Rome … combine listening with the odd "there’s no shame in passing" (American tough guys can never resist the awesome hypnotic power of this mantra) and you can act all the way to the bank. Let the people speak !

(above) Barny, Bonnie, Andy and Joe

Latest News Update:
The Omaha Hi-Lo final is down to five, Ram finished 6th for his third final of the festival and Joe is still there going well having started the final as chip leader. Full Result will follow.

By Keith ‘The Camel’ Hawkins / September 2004

For three days last month I went racing at York for the Ebor meeting. Literally racing at one point, when I trounced internationally renowned top sprinter Lionel Hutz over 70 yards. (Ok, so he gave me a little head start, but that won’t show up in the official results!)

It was a memorable 3 days; great company, good food, backing a few winners and drinking altogether too much pink champagne!

But, perhaps the highlight of the week was meeting the legendary racehorse trainer Mick Easterby in city centre pub on Tuesday night. Easterby is well into his 70s and has been training for about 50 years.

We only talked for about 10 minutes before his assistant trainer dragged him away, but we managed to cover alot of subjects, including the sexuality of Claire Balding (watch out for fireworks if she ever interviews him on the beeb!); the shenanigans he got up to when he was a point-to-point rider, how much he loved the Ebor meeting; a horse he has prepared for a big gamble later in the season and trying to get us to buy an animal. He is a sparkling raconteur and seemed to enjoy our company too.

But one thing shone through about Mick Easterby. He still has an unquenchable thirst for life. Training racehorses is a stressful and arduous occupation and my guess is Easterby won’t give it up until he is in his grave. He loves life in general and horse racing in particular. He certainly has a touch of the devil within him, but this mischievousness is what makes
him such a sparkling drinking companion.

It got me thinking. Why do I always see the dark side of every situation? Why am I so goddamn cynical? There are a million things I could be doing which wouldn’t give me as much pleasure as playing poker for a living. I get to meet fascinating people and travel all over the world. Why should I moan and whinge when I could be pushing paper or flipping burgers 6 days a week.

There are far worse things that could happen than a dealer makes a mistake. The dealer didn’t mean to make a mistake, so don’t spend half an hour criticising him and making his life a misery, he would rather not be dealing I’m sure and if his financial situation allowed he would certainly be doing something far more interesting with his life.

When we are confronted by a newbie or two at our table in a small tournament don’t be grumpy and fold your arms and ignore them. They are probably nervous and intimidated and it is our job as experienced players to make them feel comfortable and welcome. We were newbies once (too many years ago in my case) and if we weren’t welcomed and encouraged would we have come back?

What am I trying to say, I guess, is take time to smell the roses. After years of hard work and stress Mick Easterby still knows how to enjoy himself. Poker is an incredible game and populated by loads of interesting people. By treating other people the way you would like to treated yourself it will make the whole arena a more congenial place to play and you will
reap the benefits.

If you can’t enjoy playing poker don’t do it. There are enough miserable gits around without you or me adding to the list.

NB: Don’t worry, I’m sure this is only a temporary lapse in my career as a misanthrope. But, for a little while at least, until the novelty wears off or someone does something that REALLY annoys me, you won’t see many negative posts on the forum or on my blog.

So, normal service will be resumed shortly then…