funny joke thread

[Hullcity]

I have just read an article that said Kerry Katona fell for her husband because he had all the best lines.

Yeah, cocaine, ecstasy and ketamine being her personal favourites.

[uh-hu]

what's yellow and F**ks old ladies?

Spoiler: me in my lucky yellow coat

[Freddy Flares]

Doctor doctor I need a new bum this one's got a crack in it.

[TheBlueBoy]

This guy has had enough of his Mrs, she's a nag and all she ever does is give him a hard time, so he comes home from work one day to find the usual nag pie for tea, he picks up a (le creuset) pan and smashes her over the head with it, killing her instantly. In shock at what he's done he pours himself a large scotch, then another, he ends up doing the bottle in and passes out. When he comes round, some hours later, he realises he needs to get rid of the body, and that it ain't gonna be easy. He takes the body to the garage and starts chopping it up and putting it into binbags, which he leaves out for the binmen, who are due in the morning. Surprisingly calm, he goes to bed and has a great sleep. The next morning, he is awoken by the binmen making a racket as usual, the panic then sets in when there is a knock on door. He opens the door to be greeted by one of the binmen holding one of the bags. He thinks he's obviously rumbled and asks the binman what the problem is. He holds up the bag and says 'Have you got another bag mate, the arse has fallen out of this one'