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Twenty-One Top Tips

This is the time of year when everyone comes out with their top ten this, their festive forty that, or their hundred greatest the other. Well here's ours: The Hendon Mob's top twentyone Christmas poker tips. We have asked some well known characters to give you their festive thoughts on poker. We hope you enjoy them and if you have one of your own, please send it in. There'll be a prize for the best one-line poker tip sent to us before New Year's Eve. Good luck, and may your decks never be cold.

Rocky Ross Boatman: "Don't give poker tips".

Padraig Parkinson: "In a show down make sure you always get your chips in from behind. That way the other fella gets all the stress of waiting for the suck-out. You may not outdraw him, but you'll probably outlive him!"

Kevin O'Connell: "Always carry a piece of cotton wool in your pocket. If 'Aces' sits on your left, put it in your left ear. If he sits on your right, put it in the right one. Try to look interested as he tells you how good he's playing!"

Simon 'Aces' Trumper: "Everybody knows you should watch other players for tells and information. It is just as important to listen."

Dave 'Devil Fish' Ulliot: "My tip is 'Never play The Devil heads up'. Kevin O'Connell's tip should have been 'Have a share with someone who can play".

Julian 'The Kid' Gardener: "It's not how you play the hand where you take the bad beat. It's how you play the next one."

Joe 'The Elegance' Beevers: "Poker is habit forming. Make sure you get into good habits as bad ones are hard to break."

Father Christmas: "Poker tips ? I get plenty of those. Probably because I'm always going down chimneys backwards ! Ho ho ho !"

Barmy Barny Boatman: "Can't decide whether to call or pass? Can't get a read on your stony faced opponent? Ask for the clock to be put on you! If you still don't get your answer, at least you'll pressurise yourself into making a decision."

Steve 'Shortstack' Templeman : "Be good to people on the way up. Then you can nip them on the way down."

Jack Frost: "Never allow yourself to be nipped. Except on the nose by me !"

Santa's Elves: "Don't bother trying to nip Steve Templeman. He's a bit short at the moment!"

Pascal 'The Poisoner' Perrault: "To play pot limit hold-em you need one ball. To play no-limit you need two. Hah, hah hah hah hah hah.. Aaaaah, ha ha hah hah hah !"

Lise 'The Pink Lady' Vigese: "To beat Pascal at poker you need two balls.his!"

Rudolf: "If you can't spot the one with the red nose.it's you !"

Vicky Coren: "Avoid playing poker with anyone who has a nickname, a maths degree, a hat, a weekend place in Vegas, a poker website, a walkman, a gun, a booking at The Palladium for his close up magic tricks, a ferocious dog, or halitosis."

Dave Colclough: "I'd rather be lucky than good".

Ebonezeer Scrooge: "One seat here!"

The Knocker: "Remember that Christmas is the season of good will. Never mind, it'll be over soon!"

Jesse 'The Voice' May: "Learn cheap. You can't avoid paying for lessons but you can control the price."

Ram 'Crazeyhorse' Vaswani: "The coach is in the car park".

Next month Jesse May gives us some tips on how to play poker against Americans.

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