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The Guvnor

Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 5759

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:58 pm
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Eee awight?

Yesterday morning I took the car in. Needed mot, since all the stupid rules and regs they can't just give me a fakey so I had a proper one.
Anyway while it was being done I took a walk into Braintree and had a spot of breakfast at Subway. One of their steak and jalapeo sub things. So good I had 3 of the little 6 inch ones and a large Coke.
That set me up so I figured I'd go in Spoons for an early morning livener or 5.
Went in, was about 50 people in, most of em tucking into a full English.
I go up the bar and see a nice looking piece serving, I nod and say "pint of Kroney cold pet and a double shot of JD", that soon went so another Kroney was served up and I went and had a look at the fruities.
4 of them in there, all shite so I walked away eventually about 150 down.
Then I get a phone call from the grease monkey, bloody car failed and needs some fancy bit or other and could they have it overnight as it'll be with them in the morning.
I grunted and said "I suppose, what about a fackin courtesy car?"
He said the 2 they have are busy so I mumble and say ill take the bus.

So I nip up the offy and get a couple of tins of Tyskie and wait for the bus.
I'm in luck and it arrives within 10 mins.
Get on and the drivers a Lith or a Pole, I said "you know we drive on the left over here pal"
He looked angry so I laughed and went and sat on the back seat next to this young sort.
I opened my tin and said to her "you want the top off my swallie love?"
She looked horrified so I sunk half in one go and let out a monster burp.

I decided not to go home but get off in Halstead and have a jar in Scenarios and a look in Jennings bookies.
I got off and walked down the hill to the boozer and order up a cold Stella.
That goes down easy so I have another and go to the bookies.

Get in there and see my old pal from the club Ginger Gav.
"Oi oi Reggie son" he shouts "Where you fackin been lately?"
I grin and shout "Shaggin birds mate and laying out any coppers"
He chuckles and we bump fists and I bung 30 in roulette
Do my usual set of numbers from 29 round to 15.
First hit bang 0, 3 on that for 108.
Next 5 spins are 18, 9, 18, 21 and 19 for a combined total of bugger all
Sling 50 in and bump up the stakes.
First number 2, no bloody good so I walk over to look at dog races
Next race at Monmore and trap 6 stands out.
He's 4/1 so I have 50 on him.
He falls out the boxes and stays last all the way to the back straight, all the leaders bunch at the last corner and he starts to get on terms.
He's leading with 10 yards to go then the dopey hound decides to try and take a chunk out of trap 3 just behind him, he near enough stops and trap 5 shoots by him and wins.
"You fackin useless mutt" I shout and throw my screwed up slip at the screen.
Gav is looking rueful and says "I did trap 5"
I say "typical, well seeya later mate I'm off to Sudbury"

The bus is waiting luckily so I hop in.
40 minutes to do 8 miles and Im in Sudbury
By now it's 4pm and I could eat a hoss
I go in the Codfather and sit down and say to the waitress "XL cod n chips love and a tin of Pepsi"
It arrives and I tuck in after dousing em in salt n vinegar
After 12 minutes I'm done, down the Pepsi in one and let out a huge burp and wipe my gob on the table cloth.
I flip a 2 coin in the tips tray and waddle up the street and go in Billys
20 minutes later and I've done 400 on roulette.
I shout to the bird behind the bar "your machine is facked"
She looks puzzled but then I lay my boot into it
She picks up the phone and I say "don't worry I'm going don't tell the fackin filth"
I go across the road to Coral and spunk 150 in there in 10 minutes
"Fack this shit, I'm going Spoons" I say to the fat arsed bird next to me.
She winces as she's loaded up 100 from her card and doing that quick by doing 2 spins on Rainbow Riches

Soon enough I'm settled in front of the fire in spoons with 2 pints of Stella I'm front of me
Then the phone goes, it's my pal Kev
He asks where I am, I say sudbury spoons and he says he's doing his bollocks in halstead coral and would I meet him in Jennings in Sudbury in 20 minutes.
We play cards at 730 and by now it's 6, so I sup up and walk across to the bookies
I've already done 50 by the time he waddles in.
For the next hour we're up and down, some dog wins which get spunked on roulette
My old pal Andrew texts and asks when I'll get in the club, I say I'm in Jennings
He turns up there 3 minutes later as he don't live far off.
We bump fists and have 20 each on trap 1 at the 7.22 at Sittingbourne.
That comes second so I tell Kev ill see him at the club and me and Andrew set off up the road

Soon enough we're inside and handing over our buy ins to 2 sticks
I get a Stella and Andrew has a Hobgoblin and we sit down and pass the time by playing heads up jazz for a fiver a hand.
I spunk 40 at that with a crap run of luck and by this time more people arrive so we draw cards for seating.

12 of us in total, I'm at table one with me, Andrew, specky, 2 sticks, papa and dippy
I double up early by making 2 sticks rebuy.
I check called with As9s on a 6s Qs Ks 5c 8h board
I knew he'd shove the river and he claimed to have a flush too but not sure I believe him
Anyway, soon enough it's break and I've had 7 pints there by now and getting peckish
I tell Andrew I'm going to Hot Wok chinky and does he want anything?
He says salt n pepper chips so I quickly walk there and order 2 lots of them along with some BBQ ribs and a bag of prawn balls
Get back to the club and me and Andrew tuck in and demolish the lot in 8 minutes

Breaks over and were back, final table time as 9 left.
I'm slight chip leader and take a hit by having AK in the bb and reshoving Papas raise, he thinks and calls with TT
Low board and that's me shortie, I double with AQ soon v dippys AJ
Kev was giving me a lift home so I hope I didn't knock him out
I passed AK on my bb when he shoved, but a few hands later I had it again and shoved
He bloody called off all his chips with KQ and I knocked him out.
Down to 5 and blinds were 1500/3000
I look down at 77 and go 7000.
Tweets calls in the bb and we see a 655 flop
He bets out 12000, I shove and he calls with A6
Turn a bloody 6, river 9 and I'm out
I bump fists with Andrew and me and Kev walk to his van and I hop in

Soon enough he drops me off outside, I shake his hand and I get out and take a 3 minute slash in the garden
Get in the house and collapse on the settee with a bottle of Asahi and a doobie
And next thing I know it's 11am and I awake with a half full bottle in my hand and a brown finger from a burnt out Benson Mr. Green
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