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RobSamples
Quads


Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1963

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:00 pm
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how many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

neo.
RobSamples
Quads


Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1963

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:01 pm
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why did the devilfish cross the road?

the jewellers was on the other side.
CaptainGee
Flush


Joined: 07 Jun 2007
Posts: 503
Location: Whitton Dene

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:06 pm
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* My girlfriend is a porn star, she is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

* The bloke from autoglass was really pissed at me when I called him to remove the chip from my windscreen. It was when I asked him to remove the eggs and bacon while he was there that he got really angry.

* The pope was heard saying he was so excited about this visit to the UK, he feels like a kid a christmas. More like he feels like santa with a kid on his lap.

* Gary Glitter was heard whispering to Michael Jackson on a park bench as a 10 year old girl walked past "I bet she looked good in her day"

* Apple have a new ipod for their younger audience, "Ipod Touch Kids" and have renamed their new shuffle Titanic - When you download music the header is "Titanic Syncing"



Best get back to work......
RobSamples
Quads


Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1963

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:07 pm
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how do you know if someone owns an iphone?

they f*cking tell you.
Brodders
Quads


Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 1600

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:20 pm
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George Michael is due to release his new single as an homage to his new cell mate.

Hairless Fister is on sale on Monday...
CaptainGee
Flush


Joined: 07 Jun 2007
Posts: 503
Location: Whitton Dene

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:28 pm
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The BBC had to sack their sign linguist after the recent floods in Cockermouth, Cumbria were reported on breakfast news and caused 200 viewers to complain.
burgeamon
Flush


Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 626

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:34 pm
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What do you call a woman who has no arms, no legs but gives good head?

Partially disabled
arry grout
Straight


Joined: 30 Dec 2004
Posts: 394

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:39 pm
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How do you circumcise a pikey?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
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'genial' Harry grout
Leus
Rigged


Joined: 09 Aug 2007
Posts: 1290

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:59 pm
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You may as well just go ahead and burn them Dave.
madride
Straight Flush


Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Posts: 2990
Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:20 pm
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Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an award?

It was for being outstanding in his field
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Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
madride
Straight Flush


Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Posts: 2990
Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:23 pm
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Who's the coolest guy in the hosipital? The ultrasound guy
Who's the 2nd coolest? The hip replacement guy
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Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Barny
Mobster


Joined: 18 Sep 2003
Posts: 1136

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:47 pm
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RobSamples wrote:
how do you know if someone owns an iphone?

they f*cking tell you.


Well that one made me piss myself...and and I've got an iphone.

(do you see what I did there?)
_________________
If it wasn't for luck I'd lose every tournament I played...If I wanted to manage a bankroll I'd be a bank manager.
TTman
Trips


Joined: 04 Jun 2009
Posts: 158
Location: essex

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 4:21 pm
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Barny: "about last night"

Devilfish: "let's just forget it ever happened"
pete thebet
Trips


Joined: 18 Aug 2006
Posts: 108
Location: TPT

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 4:33 pm
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My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.

I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination".

That showed her.
pete thebet
Trips


Joined: 18 Aug 2006
Posts: 108
Location: TPT

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 4:40 pm
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Once a long time ago, there was this woman who didn't nag and moan all the time.

But it was only once, and it was a long time ago
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