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ukpoker
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Joined: 26 Sep 2003
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:02 pm
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TOP 5 WAYS TO LOSE YOUR MONEY AT ON-LINE POKER

You may think that this article is about strategy. Well it is and it isnt. What youre about to read is the TOP 5 ways in which youre GUARANTEED to lose all your money whilst playing on-line poker. The described methods below are GUARANTEED to work on ANY on-line poker room and are GUARANTEED to have yourself crying in a bucket for hours to come later!

1. CASH-OUT.

Oh yes! This is an absolute certainty. As soon as you cash out your winnings you can be sure of a run like no other in the way the cards pan out for you. You have KK...no problem...someone will have AA. You have a SET...no problem...the flush will get there! You have a straight on the turn? Your opponent gets a full house on the river! Feel free to try!

2. WHEN AT FINAL TABLE OF ON-LINE TOURNAMENT REFUSE TO DO A DEAL!

Now this one is a bit more subtle. Once youve typed the words No thanks...maybe later into the chat box of the offending card room youre a virtual nail-in cert to be next out! Chip leader? Never mind...youre a goner! Least in chips? Thats okay...youre out anyway. Always try to pander to the person who suggested the deal without actually saying No.

3. USE THE WORDS SUCK ON THIS JUST BEFORE A LARGE BET!

These words, like the ones above, are a dead cert to lose you the pot and probably most of your chips as youll get the inevitable caller who has no chance of winning...until the river card comes to nail your sorry arse to the flag pole! Be nice when betting or youll pay dearly as the software dislikes big headed players that upset others!

4. ALWAYS RAISE WITH KK.

Now heres an obvious one! Whats not obvious is the way an ACE always then appears on the flop. Does that stop you betting? Noooooo! Just whack away your chips at your leisure. You know you want to!

5. SAY I HAVE ACES THEN BET THE HOUSE!

Once the software recognises the word Aces it remembers that 20% of the time Aces shouldnt win and so will give a selected opponent the nuts whilst you throw the computer out of your window!

All the above are tried and tested ways to lose your dough in the quickest way possible. In the event you do then dont say you werent warned.
donkasaurus
Flush


Joined: 29 Nov 2007
Posts: 738
Location: Newbury

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:07 pm
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Rolling Eyes

Next you'll be saying on-line poker is rigged.
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A man chooses, a slave obeys.
Moo
Quads


Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 1613
Location: @ The Profit Centre

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:31 pm
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ukpoker wrote:
SAY I HAVE ACES THEN BET THE HOUSE!

This is bad bankroll management (and may also be against the house rules on speech play in many card rooms).
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It matters more when there's money on it.
omen666
Quads


Joined: 08 Aug 2005
Posts: 2026
Location: London

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:56 pm
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I am sure Mark Strahan's book should be at number 1? Wink
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Matt101
Straight Flush


Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 3285

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:03 pm
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Posting in epic thread, best level yet Mark Very Happy
ThechipLeadV
Smart-Arse


Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 6276

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:10 pm
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ukpoker wrote:
[Now heres an obvious one! Whats not obvious is the way an ACE always then appears on the flop. Does that stop you betting? Noooooo!



i don't even know what to say.
Jokeslayer
Straight


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 277

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:41 pm
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I'm so glad we have excellent posters like you, mark
jww32
Trips


Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 125
Location: NJ

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:42 pm
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I like the one where every time you hit trips, there'll always be a flush draw out there.
Indestructible
Royal Flush


Joined: 21 May 2005
Posts: 15760
Location: Final Table

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:30 pm
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Or when you slow play Aces, it is guaranteed to end in defeat. Smile
Moo
Quads


Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 1613
Location: @ The Profit Centre

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:18 pm
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Indy, where did you get all that dosh? And if you've become a top tipster, why didn't you post the top tips in the SBT? Evil or Very Mad
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It matters more when there's money on it.
allinsteve
Straight


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 201
Location: N. Ireland

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:58 am
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lolololol
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lol, donkaments
Indestructible
Royal Flush


Joined: 21 May 2005
Posts: 15760
Location: Final Table

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:48 am
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Moo wrote:
Indy, where did you get all that dosh? And if you've become a top tipster, why didn't you post the top tips in the SBT? Evil or Very Mad


I had 5 each way on a 33 to 1 win on Wednesday night. I only backed the name, so no skill involved. Laughing
Moo
Quads


Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 1613
Location: @ The Profit Centre

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:10 am
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Ah, undeserved money. Nothing spends quite so well.
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It matters more when there's money on it.
Scampman
Flush


Joined: 26 May 2007
Posts: 723
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 5:14 pm
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The cashout one is tried and tested by me, especially true on Party.
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balloo
Full House


Joined: 15 Sep 2003
Posts: 1195

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:29 am
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I think UKPoker is not good at poker.
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