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A No1 Best Selling Poker Book 
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Fried Bread & Mushrooms at Pelliccis Cafe 
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I Want to Order A Copy of '80/20 The Hard Way' 
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Ron & Reg 80/20 
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Pocket Kings Are Called 'The Kray Twins' 
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Total Votes : 17

Ace old
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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 3:50 pm
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The Complete Works Of The Kray Twins

Over 200 Stories, Mostly Short. Mostly About Poker, and Drinking Cups of Tea.




80/20 The Hard Way - A Fistful of Kray Twins




Link


Book Reviews

Quote:
The Guardian - Blimey!!


Quote:
The Viz - YaY




Quote:
SCOTLAND WILL SOON BE OURS

It was 3am on Sunday Morning when me and Ron walked into a dingy Glasgow nightclub.
We were after a couple of hoodlums, they`d crossed the line and needed sorting. Also we were after their protection racket.
From the tasty 18 year old who was manning the cloakroom we were told their names were Ted and Jim Smith, they were both 40 years old and big.
We aren`t scared of those sort of blokes so we went in the club.
They were sitting there, both puffing on big cigars, a champagne bucket sat in front of them, on each of their knees sat a young blonde.
I gave Ron the wink and we went over.
"You, chicks, disappear now this is mans business" I said to the blondes and they ran off frightened.
We sat down opposite Ted and Jim and looked at them, they glared back at us and I swear I`ve never seen evil in someones eyes like this before.
"Right you Jock nonces, here`s the deal. We take over your business and you don`t get hurt, we have a team of goons who on our say so would crush you pair of lowlifes" I said to them.
"Och, you sassenach tool, we are no frightened of you and your London ways, we know who you are. You`ll never get our business, tell you what though. We hear you are good at poker, we`ll sit down and play. Winner gets both businesses, what do you say?"
I looked at Ron, he knew the deal.
"Ok Jock" I said "winner takes all, when do you want to play it?"
"Lets play on Tuesday, you pick a venue and a time. We need the practise" Ted Smith said.
"Allright Jock, its a gentlemans deal, no tricks or you`re dead men" I snarled back at him

So, its nearly Tuesday now. Ron is sitting watching TV on the big screen over in the corner. We have picked the garden here for the game, it will start at 1pm. There`s a big table and 4 wooden chairs in a quiet corner so we won`t be disturbed.
Of course we have 5 sealed decks of cards we bought earlier all made up so they can`t think there`s any funny business. What they won`t know is that these cards have already been marked by us and sealed up again by a bloke we know called Fixer Fred.
We won`t lose tomorrow, and in a days time we will own the protection racket for the whole of Scotland... By Reg


Last edited by Ace old on Mon May 07, 2007 9:38 pm; edited 4 times in total
ReggieK
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Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 5759

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 2:48 am
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Nice one bruv.
Heres another story of our doings:

"Lets go bruv, the Filth will be here soon"
Ronnie said those words to me last night at 11pm, he had just put a sword through Keith the Keys neck in a back alley of Wanstead.
Keith had been slagging us to all the doormen of all the clubs of East London, he was jealous of us bruvs, of our Jags, of our Cashmere overcoats, and jealous of our Crocodile shoes.
He should have known that no-one messes with us Krays, death came looking for him, and it found him, and left him laying in a pool of blood in Redbrick Lane E11.
We got back to the Double R in time for chucking out time at 3am, our chief goon Genial George was keeping an eye on things, any trouble by any geezers and they would hit the street. Hard.
We were looking round the club when everyone had gone at 330am when we heard a sound from the blokes bogs. A snorting noise followed by a cough.
I grabbed my cricket bat, Ron grabbed his sword and we had a look.
3rd cubicle down we saw it was locked, I barged it open and jumped back.
Inside was a geezer of around 40, wearing just a Hawaiian shirt, snorting up cocaine with a 50 up his hooter.
I winked at Ron and grabbed the bloke round the neck.
"What you doing pal?" I snarled
"Im sorry sir, Im on vacation from New Jersey, I love your club and Im having a bit of coke man"
"Are you now?" Ronnie said, "Well, we charge for usage of our pisshouse, wheres your trousers? and wheres your wallet?"
"Sir, my trousers were taken when I passed out in here earlier, luckily all my money and cards are inside my shirt pocket"
He realised his mistake as soon as he said it.
Ron grabbed his shirt, found his wallet and took it with a flourish.
"Man, man dont touch my wallet, thats all I got, 8000 of your British pounds, and 11 gold cards"
"Luckily for you then pal" I said, "Thats our charge for using the bogs, now get out of the Double R, NOW"
"Im not leaving, you cant do this to me" he was snivelling now, and crying, "I beg you, dont leave me with nothing"
His hands were wrapped around Rons legs, he was begging my bruv.
Ron quickly booted him in the jaw, knocking him out cold.
"What shall we do with him bruv?" Ron asked
"Lets get him in the back of the Jag, Blackfriars Bridge is quiet this time of night" I said
We carted him out into the night, he was a heavy Yank, must have weighed around 30 stone, we chucked him into the Jag and we both set off.
Half an hour later we arrived at the bridge, no-one was about and I gave Ron the wink.
We quickly jumped out of the Jag, opened the back doors, heaved the Yank out and threw him off the parapet.
He awoke briefly when he hit the water and shouted, but he soon went silent as the current took him away downriver.
"Nice work bruv" I said, "Pelliccis is opening, shall we go have breakfast?"
"Yeah Reg, you can have my mushrooms, as long as I can have your fried bread"
"Deal bruv Ron" I said, "We can use the Yanks dough, these tourists are easy money for us bruvs"...
Ace old
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Joined: 22 Nov 2006
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 9:04 pm
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Yeah Bruv, 80/20 The Hard Way is Deffo A Best Seller
We Should Also Expand Into Audio Books Aswell
People Can Listen To 'em Whilst They Go To Sleep





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SuffolkPunch
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 10:21 pm
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If you guys think you've taken Ipswich, you'd better come and see me first.
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Hutchylad
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 10:43 pm
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Whole of Scotland aye? I aint seen you clowns in Edinburgh
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Ace old
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Location: Hanging Ten

PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 10:45 pm
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SuffolkPunch wrote:
If you guys think you've taken Ipswich, you'd better come and see me first.


Oh I See A Wise Guy
You Know What Happened To That
Eighty Five Year Old ? Huh
We Bunged Him A Grand
And He Went On His Holidays
To Great Yarmouth

You Won't Be So Tough
When We Slot You 1k
And House Sit For You
While You Go To Benidorm
For Two Weeks
ReggieK
The Guvnor


Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 5759

PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 11:26 pm
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Hutchylad wrote:
Whole of Scotland aye? I aint seen you clowns in Edinburgh


We were there, walking down the Royal Mile in our business suits and overcoats.
You probably wouldn`t have seen us as we sleep in the daytime and do our business under cover of darkness..

Reg
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