DRAGON 1: “Come On in Dean”
Dean: “er…actually the names Carl”
DRAGON 2: (looking bemused) “oh….it says here that it’s Dean”
Dean: “no, Dean is just a pen name”
DRAGON 4: “Why do you have that?”
Dean: (without thinking it through) “makes me sound good”
DRAGON 4: “Oh I see…..do you need to sound good?”
Dean: (squirming already after a full ten seconds) “yeah”
DRAGON 4: (silent for a few seconds whilst staring at me) “oh”
DRAGON 4: “So tell us why you want our hundred grand then Dean”
Dean: “Carl”
DRAGON 4: “Sorry….CARL”
Dean: “Well I have been a poker player and a gambler for a long time now and…..”
DRAGON 2: “A gambler?......so you want to gamble with our money?”
Dean: (b*******, shouldn’t have said that. Serves me right for trying to wing it…..come on Carl….THINK) “Er…..no…..what I meant was that poker is sort of classed as gambling but it isn’t for the people who are good enough to win”
DRAGON 1: “And are you good enough to win?”
Dean: “Yes”
DRAGON 1: “Ok then Dean…..er….Carl……tell us what you want exactly and why you think you can make us money”
Dean: “Well I would ideally like a hundred grand and any more would be a bonus in order to play on the tournament circuit. I would be looking to make you 100% return on investment on your money”
DRAGON 2: (looking amazed) “One hundred grand to make one hundred grand…..I usually look for bigger returns than that”
Dean: (B*******…I lied and they are still not satisfied with the answer….should have said 500%....)….. “er” (stumbling for an answer)
DRAGON 2: “Carl…..I have a very keen interest in poker and follow the game closely both live and online. I play regularly too in London so I know a fair bit about the game”
Dean: (Forcing a smile) “Oh really” (B*******, never expected that)
DRAGON 2: “What I would like to ask you Carl is what sort of record do you have on the tournament circuit…..have you won any World Series events?”
Dean: “er…..No”
DRAGON 2: “Oh ok……lets move on…..how often do you get to Las Vegas”
Dean: “Never been to Vegas……don’t like flying”
DRAGON 1: “Carl……isn’t it going to be a little difficult getting to many of these tournaments if you don’t fly?”
Dean: “Er”……. (think of something quick)….. “it is but then again Dennis Bergkamp didn’t fly either and look at him. He was a world class footballer”
DRAGON 1: “So what you are saying is that you are the poker equivalent of Dennis Bergkamp”
Dean: “That’s a decent looking suit Duncan, that must have cost you a few bob” (change the subject you ****)
DRAGON 2: “Getting back to the subject of your tournament record Dean….CARL!!!......have you won any World Poker Tour events?”
Dean: “er……No”
DRAGON 2: “Ok…..well have you won any EPT’s then?”
Dean: “er…..No…..so can I have the hundred grand?”
DRAGON 3: “Maybe its easier to ask him what he has won”
DRAGON 2: (Stares at me silently waiting for an answer)
Dean: “Well I won the $10,000 main event on my computer a total of fifteen times in the space of a year. Although that was only against a field of just over 200 runners as it used the format for the 1990 event……but that equates to $15 million in prize money”
DRAGON 2: (looking bemused) “You mean…..virtual money?”
Dean: “yeah but its proven that its just as tough to win that as it is the real main event”
DRAGON 4: “Proven by who exactly?”
Dean: “er……me”
DRAGON 3: “Carl….forgive me…..but I am struggling to see how your record at tournament poker makes it possible for us to give you 100k”
Dean: (sounding surprised) “oh…..whys that?”
DRAGON 3: “Carl…..I really need to see some credentials here otherwise I am out…..have you got anything that can support your case other than $15 million virtual dollars?”
Dean: “Yes…..I have written hundreds of articles on poker for numerous poker magazines and websites including Bluff, Flush, Poker Pro, Online Poker Pro, WPT, Poker News and 2+2”
DRAGON 1: “So what’s that got to do with actually playing?”
Dean: “Because about 1000 articles is equivalent to 3 World Series bracelets, 2 WPT titles, 1 EPT, 2 GUKPT’s and a second place finish in the original series of Late Night Poker”
DRAGON 2: “WHAT!!!!”
Dean: (seriously floundering) “Er……have you heard of The Hendon Mob?”
DRAGON 2: “Yes…..are you better than them?”
Dean: “No…..but I have over 2000 posts on their site and over 100 articles which is the same as a final table finish in the $50,000 HORSE event at the World Series”
DRAGON 4: “By whose calculations?”
Dean: “It’s proven”
DRAGON 2: “Carl…..what makes you think that you have enough aggression and tournament savvy to be able to compete with these new kids on the block…..what I mean is…..have you got enough gamble in you to be able to wade through these huge fields?”
Dean: “er……well…..gambling shouldn’t be any problem seeing as it isn’t my mo…….. er……..er………what I mean is……
(b******* should have thought this through)
…… “fifteen mill and thousands of articles……what more can I say?” (come on just brass it through)……. “can I have the hundred grand?”
DRAGON 1: “I really think that I will have to miss out on this one Carl……I’m out”
DRAGON 4 “I’m out too……sorry Dean….CARL!!!”
Dean: (come on, please let one of them be a gambler and fancy a punt)
DRAGON 2 “I’m sorry Carl……I wont be taking this any further…..I’m out too”
DRAGON 3: (silence for a few moments…..tension builds)
“Carl……do you really think that you can replicate the $15 million virtual dollars if I give you 100k?”
Dean: ( pauses due to being seriously gobsmacked due to being on the verge of swinging it)
“yes…..definitely” (putting on best confident face)
DRAGON 3: “Hmmmm…….hmmmmm…….hmmmmm…….hmmmmm……..hmmmmmm…….hmmmmmmmm……..hmmmmmmm…….sorry Carl……I’m out”
Dean: (B*******….. slow-rolled for a hundred grand)
Dean: “Er…..I have lost track……have you all said no?”
DRAGON 1: “Afraid so Carl”
Dean: Stands in silence for a few seconds “oh well…..see yer then”
I never want to go through that ordeal ever again.
Carl “The Dean” Sampson can also be found playing free poker
